How many times do we avoid difficult situations, avoid difficult conversations, move away from challenging relationships or avoid the hard work we need to do all because it feels TOO painful?
Most of us exist in the safety of our comfort zone fearing the pain. Instead of feeling the pain and embracing it, we look for anything we can to numb ourselves or distract ourselves from feeling pain.
Alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, cleaning, worrying...all of these, although can be pleasurable are the vices employed to help us avoid pain. In fact most of these substances fill the void the pain is causing and distract us. Another coping strategy is dissociation, whereby we disassociate from our feelings and numb ourselves from pain in order to cope. In time though, our emotions become desensitized and we loose touch with what we are feeling in order to survive. This survival mode of non feeling becomes our comfort zone, if we cannot feel, then we are safe.
But what if the pain within the comfort zone grows too big? What if there was more pain in staying the same then in changing and feeling? What if we began to see how much we are missing out on playing safe? What if we were able to reframe pain into a positive and embrace all possible challenges and pain with powerful tools to guide us through? What if we began to see pain as our pathway to growth?
When I commenced my Self Development journey I set myself 3 rules to ensure I challenged myself to do "the work." RULE #1 you read about last year and my second rule I set for myself was to see all PAIN as an opportunity for GROWTH!
When I embraced this rule it meant that I could no longer avoid difficult decisions or situations. I could no longer avoid the conversations, I could no longer NOT FEEL... I would take a deep breath and enter the pain, knowing that I would come through the other end with powerful growth.
I have taken myself into relationships and situations where most people wouldn't dare to go. I embraced the pain and the discomfort becauseI knew the journey was helping me break through layers of fear and layers of EGOOOO. There was a voice deep within me which knew that my only way to personal freedom was through the pain, and that freedom was my reward for the patience, persistence and perseverance of pain.
One of my weaknesses I observed in myself was my co-dependency in relationships. I would loose myself in a relationship because of my fear of rejection and abandonment and become dependent on my partner. I had a great need to be loved and if I was loved then I was happy as I felt worthy. This need was almost a handicap as the despair I would feel outside of a relationship and the yearning I felt to be loved was at times crippling me and I could never feel freedom as there was always this sense of anxiety.
And then I met a soul mate... this was an intense and powerful connection which had such strong karma that I knew I had to experience it no matter what logic and reason was saying around me.My head was screaming out warning signals and my friends could not understand what I was doing but deep within I knew I had to enter this relationship. In this relationship I experienced lies, deceit, stress, worry and lots of pain. Yet I embraced my rule...from Pain Comes Growth. There was something intuitively guiding me to stay and go through it.
For three years I went on this roller coaster of pain and I could not understand why I was so drawn to it and why it pulled me in so greatly and magnetically. We went up we went down, we went up and down again until there was no where to go. But when we reached that rock bottom, the most miraculous emotions began to unfold within me.
I began to feel a great sense of personal power, I began to experience a great sense of control and I began to notice that the need to love myself and do what was right for me was greater then the need to be loved. I began to feel confident to stand alone, I began to trust myself and respect myself and began to make choices for me. I began to use my voice and speak my truth and I slowly began to notice that the "old, codependent me" was gone. I found my strength and my truth on the other end of pain.As soul mates we came to each other to create great change and it was only through the process and through the journey outside of my comfort zone where I found me. We came to heal each other and expose the parts of us which were stagnant and holding us back from truth and freedom. And in this strength I began to observe all the lessons I had learnt from this special man...teaching me about how to read my energy, understand my intuition, I learnt about heart connection, I learnt how to truly love, I learnt how to truly love myself and I learnt how to completely let go and forgive. All of this was a result of pain. I learnt about my inner resources: Courage, Compassion, Truth, and Wisdom.
I began to have a completely different perspective of pain. I began to realize that pain is needed for growth, so I made other bold decisions which took me into additional levels of growth. When challenges come to me now, I embrace them as a new opportunity of growth. I face the pain knowing there will be radiating light on the other side.
And the best gift I got through the whole journey was the eventual meeting of my true twin flame and life partner. Here I realized that everything I ultimately was going through in the pain was my Sundance..my initiation period, preparing me to step into the true qualities I am today, the true qualities which helped me recognize my twin when we met, the qualities which ensure this relationship is in a state of truth, balance, freedom and bliss.
This is just like the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. The caterpillar embraces the pain of change. He goes into a dark, uncomfortable crystalis where he sheds his entire being. He turns to goo and waits patiently through the cycle of growth. But as those dark parts of him shed, he transforms into beauty, he transforms into the magnificence of the butterfly where we experiences the ultimate levels of bliss, joy and freedom.
To truly embrace the rule of from PAIN comes GROWTH demands the use of these emotional tools:
Vulnerability
In order to confront situations head on you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.This means stepping into the rawness of your truth and see vulnerability as a strength not a weakness. We have to work through the pain and feel the vulnerability of pain with positivity of knowing it is for our greater good. Here, vulnerability then means truth and authenticity, two resources which allow your true self to rise to the surface.
Courage
In order to journey into the pain you must have courage. Courage allows you to dare to go where others wouldn't dare! It gives you the momentum to step outside of your comfort zone. Courage is about gut strength, core strength to know that all you have to to do is hold on during the storm, hold on confidently, hold on bravely and hold on boldly knowing that you can.
Optimism
With optimism you can embrace the bigger picture and look beyond your current situation. This allows you to focus on the positives and move towards what you want, who you can be and where you truly need to go. Finding one piece of joy or positivity in a difficult situation and holding onto that focus allows you to jump over the obstacles and the barriers in your way. Optimism allows you to focus on your greater goal and creates a future pull momentum.Resilience
Resilience is the key to growth and the key to living a bold adventurous life. It allows you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. It allows you to notice the small signs of growth and to focus on the growth. It allows you to make courageous decisions and embrace the painful situations because with each time you fall and get back up you learn more and more about yourself.
So if you are finding yourself in a state of pain avoidance embrace these qualities. Take a deep breath, find something grounding to hold on to and enjoy the ride because magnificence awaits you on the other side.
To your truth and freedom with lots and lots of love,
Cheryne
Please like this post on Facebook by clicking on the like button above and please share this post with your friends
To re-use this post in your publication please email Cheryne
To Enquire about one on one coaching or couples coaching click here
No comments:
Post a Comment